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Being in a band does have some great perks sometimes. As Peavey Artists (ie a band that has an endorsement deal with Peavey - we get their stuff for free in exchange for telling you lot how wonderful they are) we were invited to join them at this year’s Download Festival, complete with full Access All Areas ViP passes. Oh yes.
So, we (me, Vikki and one of our merch ladies whose name I shan’t mention for security reasons) set off on Thursday arriving at about 4pm. Immediately we were taken to the backstage area and parked our dumb blue bus right next to Kiss’s road crew’s buses. All 4 of them. Just for the crew. Opposite them were the 5 HUGE trucks containing all Kiss’s gear. And to think people complain when we show up for gigs with all our toys!
Anyway, we soon found out that we were going to be located backstage. Up until this point, we assumed that Peavey had a stand in the main area and that the punters would be able to come along, meet us and look at amps n stuff. But, no, we were located in something called the Warm Up Tent. Essentially a big marquee where bands etc can come in, check out gear, try out gear and sometimes ever borrow gear.
There was a lot of hustle and bustle and, once we were settled in and knew who everyone was, we went for an exploration. Having Access All Areas (hereafter known as AAA) is great as you can wander ANYWHERE, flash your pass and people just let you get on with it. So we went and explored the stage being built a bit and generally wandered around taking everything in. Festivals are odd without tens of thousands of people in them!
We soon got bored so fucked off back to our hotel. Next day up bright and early (ugh!), got to the backstage bit and had a further look around. This was when we discovered the food hall which is where most of the other bands hang out before or after their show, along with other VIP’s. Tucked away in the corner though was Woody and his gang from Woody’s Tattoos. And they were doing FREE tattoos all fucking weekend! Damn, I wish I’d known this beforehand! Vikki had wanted to get “Miss Spit” tattooed on her fingers for a while now so she booked herself in for the next day. Further exploration unveiled a place that did FREE hair cuts. I’ve not been to a hair dresser since I was 8 years old but, looking at the wall of the famous people they did, I figured I was in safe hands, so booked an appointment for the Saturday. Such a tart.
Vikki had to do some demonstrating, so left her to do that whilst I wandered around a bit more. Saw Lemmy - he looked at me in a “I’m sure I should know you but not sure I do” kind of way and said Hello (just to be on the safe side), so I said Hello back. I’m not a massive Motorhead fan (although much respect to them) but it was cool to meet him. He was in the food bit playing pool later on - he wasn’t so good at that. Also bumped into the drummer from Kid Rock’s band, Stephanie, who we’d seen in concert just a couple of days before. I’m a big Kid Rock fan so chatted to her for a bit then ventured back to where Vikki was and in walked Jimmie Bones, also from Kid Rock’s band. He is a fellow Peavey Artist so was looking to borrow some gear. Within half an hour though, it was announced that Kid Rock himself was “ill” so they wouldn’t be playing. Hmmmm.
The thing about the back stage bit is you think it will be full of rock stars - and it probably was - but no-one looks like a fucking rock star any more so I didn’t recognise anyone. However, there are some people you couldn’t miss and, when KISS are in town, you know it! But, AAA or not, you ain’t getting close to them. All of a sudden, the backstage bit was full of security and you couldn’t go anywhere as Kiss moved from their dressing room to the Media tent. Once they were in there, you could go into the food bit (next to the media tent), so we saw them coming out, but you still couldn’t get close. I did get a snap of Gene and Paul as they were leaving though.
The post-Kiss excitement soon died down again so we went to see if we could get side-stage whilst Kiss were on (the AAA means that, for most bands, you can actually be on the stage, tucked away at the side, whilst they are playing). Not with Kiss though! All the rules are different; we couldn’t go up “because you will get blown up by a pyro”. Wow, what a way to go!
For the first time, this meant venturing out into the main area whilst it was full of punters - totally different from the night before, but a great atmosphere. Almost immediately we were recognised, which is nice, and then the “when are you guys on” questions started. Very flattering but equally frustrating!
And now the main event: Kiss headlining the main stage on the Friday night. And they did not disappoint. I’ve seen Kiss a few times and this was one of the best - they played all the old hits and did all the stunts you want to see them do. I have movies taken on my camera of every set piece, so I’m chuffed with that. It was such a huge, amazing, visual show. If you weren’t there, you should have been. If you were there, how cool was THAT?!!
Went backstage as soon as it finished, you know, just in case they decided to hang out but they had already fucked off. All that was left was their crew packing all their gear away. It was all very dull so we left for the night.
Next day and first job of the day was Vikki’s tattoo. I thought, as it was free, they’d be rushing but, nope, they took their time. About 2 hours in total and they did a superb job. There seemed to be more people around today; the guys from Pendulum (looking for a Peavey endorsement), Saxon, Bullet For My Valentine and so on.. Kerry King from Slayer was in the warm-up tent, even though Slayer weren’t playing. Dimebag’s wife was there too. I don’t really get star-struck, but it is quite cool to meet someone who is a bit of a legend or you have a lot of respect for.
Went to watch Ace Frehley play. Annoyingly, it was another closed stage but, despite having to rough it out front (ha!), he put on a great show. Although the bass player soooooo wanted to be Nikki Sixx. You couldn’t help but draw comparisons between his set and the Kiss set the night before, especially when he played some of the same songs. Good show but it just wasn’t the same.
At 7 both me and Vikki had hair appointments. Like I mentioned, I haven’t been to a hairdresser since I was 8 and had a bad experience (ie, he did not do exactly as I told him). So, at 8, I decided that all hair dressers were Nazi’s and I wanted nothing to do with them, preferring to hack away at my own locks. The poor girl designated to do my hair had to put up with me informing her that the fate of all hairdressers rested on her shoulders and that she had to do EXACTLY what I said. Bless her heart though, she did. All I wanted was the dead ends cut off and a few layers put in, so nothing drastic, but she did do that. She then also gave me a shed-load of free (expensive) hair care product. Being a big tart, this was much appreciated!
Happy with my new Do, we went to watch The Offspring and promptly nearly fell asleep. Now, I kinda dig the Offspring, liking a lot of their stuff but their headlining performance on the main stage was so lacklustre, it was pointless. OK, you don’t have to go completely Kiss to put on a great show but, hey, what about a backdrop and what about using the whole stage? As there was nothing to watch, we wandered off to explore all the shops and food things, got bored so went backstage again.
At this point, I must say, the BEST thing about being backstage - beyond the free tattoos and haircuts - are CLEAN toilets with NO queue. How I felt for those poor souls queing, desperate for a slash when all we had to do was wander backstage. I was almost suprised there wasn’t someone to hold your pecker for you whilst you pee’d!
Final day, Sunday, was easily the best day for me. We finally took full advantage of AAA and went on the main stage to watch Apocalyptica from the side stage. They had use of the front half whilst, behind them, the set was being built for Lost Prophets. It was weird being so close to centre stage knowing that I wouldn’t be performing today. And quite annoying! The view was great though and Apocalytica were interesting.
After that, there was a lot of activity in the warm-up tent as Total Guitar bought some people in for photo sessions and jamming sessions. If you have ever been in a room full of ego-fuelled guitar players all battling it out on the assorted amps around the tent, you will understand what kind of hell that was! So we fucked off out of there to go and do something less boring and noisy.
One of the only other bands I was interested in seeing that weekend was The Wildhearts, a long-time favourite of mine. Again, our AAA got us full access to the side of the stage which was amazing. Being feet away from all the action but, this time, feeling much more a part of it (they were on the smaller stage so we were much closer to the band, able to pick up the vibe better). Ginger encouraged the crowd to “throw everything” onto the stage, which they duly did. Someone through a whole raw egg, which Ginger caught without it breaking! It broke when he plonked it on the ground though. Someone else threw a phone, another a shoe. Mainly though, it was bottles. And bottles and bottles. But all for the crack of it. They must of had one of the biggest audiences of the weekend, despite being on the smaller Tuborg stage. Amazing show.
It all died down backstage pretty quickly so we decided to leave. Just as we were saying our goodbyes though, Ginger walked in so I took the chance to introduce myself as we are opening for The Wildhearts in August at Skin Deep’s Tattoo Jam. Thankfully, he knew who the hell we were and started asking about the band, saying he was looking forward to our set at Tattoo Jam. I’ve always thought that SLT & The Wildhearts would make a formidable live combination - I guess we will find out!!
Spent the last hour or so chatting to Woody (tattooist) and having a pose on his hog before leaving for the long journey home. All-in-all, it was a great weekend and a good reminder of how far we have come: both backstage and out front, people knew who we were, knew our band and were asking when we were playing. Next year, eh?!
For many more pictures from our weekend, visit the Gallery on our myspace page at http://myspace.com/spitlikethisuniverse
Life is strange. Life is wonderfully strange. What odd twists and turns are weaved into it. Sometimes, life can be surreal. The last 24 hours falls into that category.
My story starts about a week ago when I received an email from a young lady called Dawn:
“Would it be possible to get a couple of extra large t-shirts for Fred and Richard? They love them and want to wear them on stage if possible?”
Who is Dawn? Who is Fred and Richard? Why should they expect a freebie??! Well, Dawn is PA to Right Said Fred - and that should answer who the Fred and Richard are. The T-shirt in question is our “I’m So Sexy I Shit Right Said Fred” design.
Glorious. “Of course,” I replied “as long as we get a photo of them in the t-shirts”. Next thing I know, we are being invited to their gig in Bexley Heath near London on 25th May, full VIP treatment (as it bloody well should be!).
So, yesterday, a bunch of us went along to the PA and met Dawn for the first time. As well as being RSF’s PA, she is a kick-ass drummer and a nice person to-boot. We were like a fish out of water as the venue for the PA was a pretty trendy nightclub full of orange women and men that were too groomed for their own good. But, as we were VIP’s and looked fuckin’ reaky (in comparison), we were viewed with intrigue rather than ridicule.
A bad Madonna impersonator later, RSF hit the stage for their PA. Great fun, blasting through the hits like “Don’t Talk Just Kiss”, “Deeply Dippy” and, of course, “I’m Too Sexy”. Rather remarkably, during their set we were talking to their agent, Richard. The very same agent Richard that our new manager wanted us to meet in the hope that he might also become OUR agent, Richard! Small world, huh?! So, we chatted with him for a while and he, too, was another thoroughly nice bloke.
Finally, the main event. Now, I am not going to pretend to be a huge RSF fan or anything like that but, I do quite like camp things (as anyone who has seen our rendition of “Sweet Transvestite” will testify), I’ve always liked Richard Fairbrass when I’ve seen him on the telly and, whenever I see their CD’s in charity shops, I have been tempted to buy. Hell, RSF are camp and fun and there ain’t nothing wrong with that!
They are also much smaller in real life. They’re both obviously very buff, but I am talking in height. I’m not tall, but I was the biggest one backstage. What can I say about the two of them? Not alot, other than they were friendly, charming and up for a giggle. They were easy to be around and, before we knew it, RSF were stripping off in front of us changing into the T-shirts we had bought along for them.
Now, when I came up with the design for that tee, it did not occur to me that, one day in the future, I would be standing there watching RSF strip so they could wear the T-shirt! It was at that moment that I said to Richard “this was not the eventual outcome I anticipated when I came up with this design”. No truer words have been said.
Next up, photos. Below are the best snaps taken - us with RSF wearing the tees and a close-up of RSF wearing the tees. I know I look grumpy in them (and slightly camp, hand on hip) but I am smiling on the inside. I don’t photograph well when I smile so Stern Face is the only way to go. Anyway, here are the pixx…
I suggested to them that they sell the tees on their tour, they thought that was a good idea so I’m hoping we can sort something out in that department.
Oh, other interesting thing was someone that was backstage spied my new Stormtrooper crossbones tatt (on my right hand) and promptly lifted up her top to reveal a flaming Stormtrooper and flaming Boba Fett on each hip. That was very cool and the first person I have knowingly met with a Star Wars tattoo since I got mine. Thank fuck, I am not alone…
Anyway, I thought I would share the above story with you as it was good fun and is a great reminder of how odd life can be sometimes. And the small world coincidences (as well as the agent thing, Dawn used to live in a town called Reigate where me and V used to live and remembers our hearse) that connect and unite us all. Invite adventure into your life and the strangest things can happen.
PS I should have mentioned, you can buy YOUR t-shirt from our merch site, smellyourmum.com. The link to that actual design is http://www.smellyourmum.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=674
I’m going to let you into a big secret about the music business. Any band will be able to confirm this fact to you and I felt, as a fan of music, as someone that spends their hard-earned money going to gigs, you had a right to know something. An awful lot of the time, the bands you are going to see will have had to have PAiD for the priviledge to perform for you.
I’ll say that again. The bands themselves will not get paid for their performance and will, in fact, have had to have spent their own money to entertain you. Does that make you feel special? I mean, as a member of an audience, no doubt about it, you are the most important person there. And I mean that most sincerely. It would seem that a large number of promoters know this fact as well which is how they know that they can charge a band to play for you.
Right about now, you are probably wondering what that door charge you paid was when you walked in. You very probably assumed that a portion of the money was going to be given to your favourite band, the one you follow religiously, the one you discovered and tell all your mates about. Yeah, sorry about that, not gonna happen! That money will go straight to the promoter. They have worked hard, after all. What has the band done for it? They’ve only spent days, weeks, months or years perfecting, honing their sound (not to mention all those years learning how to play their pesky intruments); they have only spent as much time as possible rehearsing their stage craft. They might even have gotten some great gear and a van to carry it all around in. Some of the more consciencious ones might have got posters printed up and mailed them to the venue to try and help with the promotion. The fools! All of that effort and hard work pales into insignificance when you think about everything the PROMOTER has done.
You see, from an early age, the promoter in a pique of Barnum-esque dreams will have imagined the greatest show on earth. They will have realised that there is no greater joy in life than putting together some entertainers - minstrels, really - to wow a paying audience. Of course, at the earliest possible age they will have started swotting up on the finer points of advertising, marketing and PR. Right after Janet and John lodged in their brains, they will have been swotting up on the Dummy’s Guide To Promotion. No doubt, throughout school, they put on productions just to see the joy on their classmate’s faces and then, in later life, they will have toiled and sacrificed everything to put on their first “proper” show, you know, one where people actually PAY. And that is just the start of it. For each and every individual show they put on, they will slave for every hour God sends to let everyone within a 20 mile radius know about their latest promotion. Posters will be on every lamppost; street teams will have handed out 10,000 flyers; local TV and radio will have been targeted, along with local colleges and universities…
Of course, I am being rather facetious. Most promoters do the sum total of fuck all. OK, some of them might put a couple of posters up - especially if you supply them for them - but, on the whole, the sum total of their involvement is to book the venue then swan around on the night barking orders at people being self-important. And, invariably, it is THESE promoters who will then take money from the bands supplying the service. Can you imagine getting a plumber round and asking him for £20 to fix your pipes “for the experience”? The music industry has to be the only industry where you pay to participate within it.
So, what exactly is “pay to play”? Well, it has many disguises. Of course, there are the blatant “well, we have all these fees we have to cover so, if you could bring £50 with you, that will help pay for the lighting and the sound guy and the PA and the security guy”… Then there is the more subtle “hey, buy this book of 50 tickets off us and any money you make from it is YOURS - just think how much you could earn!”… The most spurious version of this is the “hey, you got the gig, tell everyone”, followed up a couple of weeks later by the “oh yeah, didn’t we tell you about this book of tickets you have to buy and sell?” - all in the hope that you will want to save face and go ahead with the transaction. One famous festival in the UK (in Surrey) charges £1,750 to young, naiive bands to play on their New Talent stage. You get the idea. Ask any band, at some point, they will have paid money to play. We have. Not much, but we have. Fortunately, we are in a position now where we actually have a set FEE to play - amazing. But it’s taken us a few years of hard graft to get that. We were young and naiive once.
How do we stop this ridiculous situation? Simple, if the bands stopped playing their part and telling anyone that asks THEM for money just to FUCK OFF, it would stop overnight. And, if YOU as a punter on the door asked “who is getting my money”, if the band isn’t on the list of people getting a cut, refuse to pay and walk away. It isn’t really supporting your band if you encourage this sort of behaviour.
You will hear promoter’s hearts bleed when they explain all the costs involved with putting on a show and, if a show is poorly attended, they will blame everyone other than themselves. Hey, dickwad, the clue is in your job title! “Promoter” means that you promote. If you ain’t cut out to market something, if you don’t understand advertising and PR, YOU ARE IN THE WRONG FUCKiNG JOB!!! Sometimes, a promoter can promote the hell out of a show and it still goes wrong. Maybe it rained. Maybe another show was on. Maybe it was just the wrong kind of snow. But those are the RiSKS. Promoting is a BUSiNESS and in business, you have to take a risk. You risk big to win big. Harvey Goldsmith gets it wrong sometimes and loses money. But when he gets it right, it makes up for the losses. That is how businesses work. It isn’t about making a profit every day on everything, it’s about making a profit at the end of the month, or the quarter, or the year. And if you don’t know that, DON’T PROMOTE A SHOW! Go and learn something about business instead.
Problem is, there are too many bands now. A few kids put a myspace account up say, “we’re a band, give us gigs” and manage to convince someone to do that. This has been going on for a couple of years now and, guess what, it is killing the scene. Why? Simple, how many times is a punter going to go out and spend their money only to be disappointed by a 5 band bill of utter horseshit? Not many, that’s how many! So, this starts a vicious cycle. The promoters feel they need to protect themselves to start the whole pay to play bollocks and all the bands that ARE decent refuse to join in on that racket. So the promoters continue to book shitty bands and the shitty bands continue to pay because it is the only gig they can get. It is no coincidence to me that the pay to play thing has become more prevelant since the explosion of myspace.
There we have it. Bands: REFUSE to part with any cash to play. Better than that, start INSiSTiNG that you get paid. Funny enough, if YOU think that you are worth paying, promoters ALSO think you are worth paying. You keep giving it away for free, why should you then start getting paid (imagine if your girlfriend started trying to charge you for her goods, you’d be having none of it!). Punters: REFUSE to part with any cash at a gig until you KNOW that ALL the bands playing will be getting a cut, however small. It’s only right and fair that they get something for all their efforts.
If we all did this RiGHT NOW, Pay To Play would stop overnight.
