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Just a quickie - I’ve written a couple of successful blogs for a new rock website, uberrock.co.uk. Titled “A Life In Music”, they are my thoughts on aspects of the music industry from my perspective. I’m glad to say that they have been very popular and are currently sitting at #1 and #2 in the Most Read charts on uberrock.co.uk.
Anyway, check them out!
I’m not sure if any event in my life will be as funny as what happened last night. Sure, we all have funny moments and don’t feel the need to blog about them but, for those involved (well, apart from maybe one), this was truly, monumentally funny. And, best of all, completely spontanious and totally genius. This will make you proud to be human.
It was our guitarist, Cyndi’s, Birthday BBQ at SLT HQ last night. Nothing particularly funny about that and, to be honest, we thought it was just going to be a cool evening of friends hanging out. Apart from the band, we’d invited along our Crew as we’d not seen them in a bit either. One of the party had invited along his new girlfriend who, for the sake of story-telling, we shall call Gemma. Now, Vikki and I had met Gemma before and word had gotten back to us that she was a bit scared of me. Nothing new in that, but it would be a fear that I would use to my advantage a bit later on in the story.
Darkness was falling and the BBQ had been eaten so, as was customary at these things, we got out the tea-lights and set them about in the garden. Meanwhile, Gemma had popped indoors to change into something warmer. It was at this point that one of us - and I forget who - thought it would be funny if we pretended we were going to have some sort of ritual. This idea very quickly expanded between those of us in the garden and, before you know it, we had set the tea-lights in a circle on the lawn, moving everything to the outside of the circle, save a fire that we had quicky lit.
We then brought out the goat skull and the large sword and placed them in the middle of the circle, along with a chair. Gemma returned around about now and looked a bit confused by all of this. It was at this point I said to her: “Gemma, we have decided that we like you and want to make you part of our clan, but there is a small ritual that you must go through first”. She wasn’t entirely certain if I was joking or not so I added, “Don’t worry, we have all gone through this” and went inside again.
I put on Slayer’s “Seasons In The Abyss” and let it’s demonic tones filter into our make-shift altar and then remembered the finishing touch, my long, black hooded cape. Surely everyone has one?
Emerging into the garden wearing my cape, I was finding it very hard to keep a straight face. Fortunately, it was dark and I was wearing the hood and must have been looking like some kind of rock n’ roll Dark Lord Of The Sith as my new attire seemed to freak Gemma out a bit.
At this point in the story, I would like to remind you that none of this was pre-planned. If it was, we’d have thought about filming the bloody thing!
I placed the end of the sword in to the fire and instructions were given for us to all move outside of the “circle of lights”. Everyone dutifully did, except myself and I encouraged Gemma to enter the circle and sit on the chair. She declared that she would rather sit on her own chair near the edge but I simply informed her that no other chairs were allowed near the edge and reminded her again that we had all gone through this ritual.
So, she sat on the chair gazing at the sword getting red hot in the flames wondering what the fuck this bunch of freaks were up to. It was at this point I requested that she removed her trousers. We all turned away to spare her blushes but she’d not quite understood, so I told her once again. “For us to do this, you must remove your trousers. Everyone look away.”. This time, she did as she was told and removed her trousers. Giving her the goat skull to hold, I left the circle and asked what the time was. “One minute to nine”, was the response. “Perfect. In one minute, we shall begin.”. We all stood in silence, heads bowed. Mainly to try and stifle our giggles.
At 9pm, I re-entered the circle. “It is now time.”. I informed Gemma that what she will experience will be over quickly. I asked what cheek she preferred (right one, apparently) and then requested that she stand, face away from the fire and hold on to the back of the chair. I then gave her something to bite down on - “Some people find they need this” - and let her know that we were going to do a chant first. We later found out that this was the moment where her heart was in her mouth, wondering what on earth we were going to do to her after our strange chant began…
And then I began with my chant:
[scroll down for sacred chant]
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“Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Cyndi
Happy Birthday to you”
Genius.
Being in a band in 2009 is quite a tricky business. Let me explain.
It used to be quite simple. Once upon a time, you started a band with wild hopes and dreams, you played some gigs, you tried really hard to play gigs in London, you tried to build a following and you hoped to be “discovered”. You then recorded an album, which was released with a video, marketing budget, PR and, if you were pretty damn unsuccesful, you sold maybe 25,000 albums and probably gave up.
These days, if you sold 25,000 albums, you’d be on the front cover of Kerrang! magazine and would have every major label in the land vying for your attention. You stood a much better chance of earning your living from actually selling music whereas, these days, most bands earn their living through selling merch, which helps fund the music.
Here is something you might not know. 10 years ago, a band toured as a way of promoting their record. These days, the record is the promotional tool with the tour being the income source (from fees, merch sales, ticket sales, PRS). The thing is, neither the music business nor the general public has actually caught up with this fact and, if something doesn’t happen soon, I cannot see how 99% of bands can continue.
If you are lucky enough to be an already established band, like Radiohead, you can denounce CD’s, give your album away safe in the knowledge that your massive publicity stunt will shift millions of units when it does eventually go on sale and your tours will be well attended by people who have paid £50 a ticket to see you and will then pay another £30 for a T-shirt. The thing is, most of aren’t Radiohead and giving away your music for free won’t really achieve that much.
Seriously, I am aware of bands, who shall remain nameless, who spend money recording albums and then declare that anyone can download the album for free. All very DIY and earnest but, realistically, they probably have a maximum of 50 downloads from people who would probably have forked out for a CD anyway. And these bands forget to do useful things like collect data (email addresses etc) to stay in touch with those people. So, no increase in profile and no increase in gig attendence.
I know why they do it. They read about Radiohead and think that, just by giving it away, people will want it. Not true. Fact of the matter is, if you are a small band with no “name”, why would I want to download your music? There are millions out there just like you, and most are shit. Also, chances are, if you are giving it away for free, that means that you have spent no money on it, which means that the quality of the music will invariably be poor. The dreams of Arctic Monkeys style viral success disappear the first time someone listens to a substandard recording and has no comment other than “must try harder”.
The internet is a great equaliser. The average music listener has nothing to discern, say, my own band from any other band. They don’t know that our album cost us ten thousand quid to record whereas the next band did their one at home on their computer for nothing. Maybe the sound quality might tip them off but, if they are listening to a low-res myspace MP3 on shit PC speakers, they probably won’t notice the sound quality.
So, what can you do? As a band, in 2009, faced with this dilemna, how can we swim against the tide to try and get our band noticed? Well, it might be an unfashionable thing to say, but I would recommend that you still chase a record deal. Or, more accurately, a licensing deal. “But why should I give XYZ Music my royalties for doing something I can do myself?”, I hear you cry, “Mindless Self Indulgence don’t need a record deal, and they’re huge!”. Fair comments, but think it through. MSI used to be signed to a Major label. That label will have spent tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of dollars in marketing to make that band known. If that hadn’t happened, I doubt that MSI would be the force majeure they are right now. If you record and release your own music, how much money do you have set aside for marketing? £500? £1,000? £5,000? It’s not going to be enough, whatever it is. Unless you are one of the lucky ones who attracts a very influential journalist, the best you can hope for is a few small reviews in the music press. Reviews that are probably not read because the reader won’t recognise your name.
Apart from utilising the marketing budget of a record label, you also utilise by proxy their experience, their knowledge and their contacts. They might not have a huge marketing budget themselves but, I bet you the whole of that budget that they would be able to achieve a hell of a lot more with £5k than you could. They will have relationships with advertising agencies, journalists, PR people and will be able to call in favours or just negotiate a discount because the publication knows that more ad revenue will come from their company in the future.
There is also the perception from the general public. If a record label is willing to invest time and money in your band, that makes the public - and journalists, come to think of it - pay a bit more attention to you. After all, hardly anyone is selling records any more, so it’s not like deals are that easy to come by any more! 20 years ago, getting a deal was nowhere near as impressive as it is now - there is also MUCH more competition these days. Plus, if a label signs you, they know they are going to have to work their butt off to try and get a return on their investment.
And that is the point - don’t ever forget that signing your band is a business decision for the label, not an artistic one. Sure, they must love your band to want to sign you in the first place but, unless they are rich and mad, they have signed you because they believe you to be a commercially viable enterprise. This is why they want a big slice of your band. Just be smart: don’t sign away all of your rights and have performance related points written into your contract. ie, if you surpass their expectations, how about you get more royalties or a bonus then? Or, if the label doesn’t deliver as promise, you have certain rights returned back to you? A common right might be a territory. We’ve all seen Dragon’s Den - signing a band is a business decision just like Duncan Bannatyne deciding on whether to invest in a butt-plug company.
Most musicians have a pretty appalling attitude to business. They don’t think that business and music have any place together but, in it’s own way, business is an artform. That is why the most successful entrepreneurs tend to be mavericks. Richard Branson being a prime example. He’s a lunatic and an artist in the business world. He has just the same X-Factor that put him on top of his chosen path as Elton John! The only difference is, one is good at music and melodies, the other at sound fiscal policy. So, get over yourself on that. Take pride in paying attention to the business side of things. Accept you will get it wrong and try to get it right. You will learn things from that and, when the day comes for you to be truly independent, you will have a clue about how to actually run things!
The music industry is about give and take. In the beginning, most bands will have to give more than they take. If you want to be heard, you need someone willing to invest in you to help the world hear about your band. For them to do that, they need something in return and, at this stage, they are holding all the aces. Just accept that, sign the deal (after getting it checked out to make sure you aren’t indebted to them for ever!) and grow your band - and brand - to the point where YOU are holding the aces. It is at this point - and only at this point - that you should make the choice to be truly independent.
Obviously, there are always exceptions to prove every rule, but this is my common-sense look at an industry and job that I both love and loathe in equal amounts. Sure, it would be amazing to just spend all my time creating or performing music but, at the moment, that just isn’t the way it is. However, I recognise that I am in a better position than 99% of people that ever start a band. People know my band, love my band, our music is available to buy and we are signed. I figure this gives me some insight as I have seen things from both sides of the fence and know the pros and cons of both. I don’t have the finances to be anything other than signed at the moment and, fortunately, I have found a label I am really happy with.
I hope you do too.
